An article appeared in my inbox today that grabbed my attention. It’s a piece written by an Orthodox rabbi, Rabbi Steven Greenberg, who recently officiated at a commitment ceremony for two gay men. This was in New York, where same-sex marriage is now fully legal. But historically, Orthodox Judaism has not approved of same-sex relationships of any sort, and certainly not of same-sex marriage. Indeed, he tells us that this wasn't a marriage. But it was close enough that his act met with stinging criticism, even condemnation from many in the Orthodox community. This piece is his reply, his explanation of why he decided to perform the ceremony. Let me quote a bit of it:
I am a Modern Orthodox rabbi who, while totally committed to [Orthodox Jewish law], maintains that it is not a closed system. ... It is my position — a position that I believe is shared by a growing number of young Orthodox Jews and some of my rabbinic colleagues — that if “it is not good for the human to be alone,” then some form of life trajectory that includes love, intimacy and companionship and even family building must be possible for all of us.
Sexual restraint is a foundation of civilization, a prerequisite of health and well being for individuals and societies. However, absolute sexual denial is not a Jewish value. An externally imposed lifelong exclusion from love and intimacy for tens of thousands of people (in the Jewish community alone) borders on religious irresponsibility, if not cruelty. God is not cruel and does not demand the impossible from anyone.
This is fascinating! He invokes principles of his Orthodox Jewish faith to explain an act that many believe violated Jewish Orthodox beliefs.
I was particularly struck by this because of an experience I had several years ago. In the mid-1990s, a group of kids in Salt Lake City, the heart of conservative, Mormon Utah, tried to start a gay-straight alliance, a club for LGBTQ kids and their supporters. This rocked some very large boats. What followed is a very long story, worthy of its own post, but the important part for the story I want to tell is this:
Watching these events from across the mountains, my partner I and decided to launch what became a very an extended research project in Salt Lake City, trying to understand as much as we could about this event and all that followed. Among the many folks we interviewed were a bunch of allies, heterosexual folks who supported these kids—and most of whom supported LGBTQ equality in general.
Among those allies, we were surprised to find a number of faithful Mormons, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the LDS church (which, in Utah, is simply “The Church”). The LDS church does not look with favor on same-sex marriage. In fact, in the hierarchy of sins, homosexuality is second only to murder. So, imagine our surprise at these faithful LDS folks who were taking a stand for LGBTQ equality!
We talked with many of these folks and came to realize something amazing: a key reason for their position came precisely from their Mormon beliefs. As they saw it, the LDS church had taught them that family is the most important thing in life—this life and the next. So, to be true to their beliefs, they could not abandon a member of their family. And they could not ask anyone else to abandon a member of theirs. To do so would be to violate their commitment to a core principle of Mormon faith. We also learned that the meaning of “family” can be very inclusive: people you love, people who have helped you, people who are in your care—all these people can be seen as “family” who must not be abandoned.
You can see why I recalled Salt Lake as I was reading this article. In both cases, people from very conservative traditions hear very expansive, even progressive messages in their religion's deepest values.
These versions, heretical to some, surprising to most of us, remind me that hope comes in unexpected packages.
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