In certain circles I
inhabit, gratitude is a huge issue. It’s really good for me to keep this in
mind as I contemplate Thanksgiving Day—the day we set aside to be grateful. I
need to keep it in mind as a general principle, because I am generally not
particularly grateful for this day in its own right.
As I’ve written here before,
I have a complicated relationship with Thanksgiving. Those uncomfortable
feelings about the holiday, coupled with a complicated relationship with my family
of origin, made more difficult by the ubiquitous images of the mythical perfect
Thanksgiving gathering often leave me a bit in the doldrums come Thanksgiving
day.
The day carries so
many “I can’ts.” I can’t dismiss the thought that what we celebrate here is the
beginning of a long period of genocide, the appropriation of a continent, the
theft of space from a people because we wanted it for ourselves and
had the power to take it. I can’t magically manufacture the family I wish I had
out of the one I actually have. And I can’t halt the reality that lives decline
and end around us or the fact that this is troubling even when (or maybe
especially when) our relationship with those lives has been complicated.
So it was no big
surprise when I awoke this morning in a funk. A talk with my partner helped,
hugs helped, a piece of pumpkin pie for breakfast helped. And then,
predictably, a walk helped.
It was actually a lovely day, the blue Colorado sky
streaked with high clouds behind the scraggly, bare branches of cottonwood
trees and the tall grasses along my route.
Ice on the rocks, sculpted by water splashing in
the cold air, and tiny snow plies among the fallen leaves reminded me that it’s
really the end of November. Afterward, a short, happy visit with good friends finished polishing off the edge of the day. We closed the day sharing an easy
turkey dinner with family. On the way home, we stopped by a short street we call
“Santa Clause Lane,” where gorgeous holiday lights outline the trees starting
on this evening every year.
Now, looking back,
I find myself very grateful for many pieces of this day—a loving partner, a lovely
walk on a beautiful day, good friends, and pie.
And then a feast of
lights to end a day that started out feeling rather bleak. Nice transformation.
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